HAPPY FAKE FRIDAY! This is one of my favourite office friendly “I really want to go out and get proper para” looks, from Viktor and Rolf. The neutral colour palette blends in well with the walls in my office, there’s a cheeky flash of thigh for that ‘these shorts are really very desk-sex compatible’ look that I always favour on a Friday (it tends to distract from my counting-down-the-minutes facial expression). The ruffles also really hide the fact I have no tits, which sometimes gives me a very ladyboy-esque look on the whole, which is why the heels are so perfect. The gloves are also a favourite feature of mine as they save me getting 4am nightbus McDonalds under my nails. WIN WIN!
Having a rather miserable Monday, so I’ve got my “don’t talk to me” outfit on, courtesy of AW13 Hood by Air. There’s a good bit of leg ventilation, which I appreciate because I overheat when I’m stressed (I have a very high natural body temperature, it really is a curse) and also because I get to flash a bit of leg. I’m all about angry-sexy, tbh. The boots are sturdy enough that I can slyly kick tourists who dawdle in front of me without hurting myself, and the puffa is a great cushion when sandwiched between sixteen sweaty secretaries on the Picadilly line home. I need a drink.
After this morning’s kerfuffle with & Other Stories over their photo of a wantonly thin model, I thought I’d dig out this AW07 Dior Homme look. The drapery really flatters my pin thin silhouette, and is also perfect for wafting around the office leaving only a faint smell of vomit in my wake.
I’m just a tad hungover today, so comfort is my number one priority. This look is from Damir Doma’s AW11 collection. The loose fit of the top and trousers is also aiding ventilation of my vodka sweats. I can’t wait to go home and smash seven shades out of a pizza and when I’m inevitably covered in my four cheese feast later on, the stains won’t show up quite as badly what with this outfit being all black. I’ve got it all thought out!