In general I’m always a bit dubious about models as stylistic inspiration as I can never really trust if it’s their wardrobe I want or their crazy-good genes (this does not include mentalist Hanne Gaby, who as I’ve said before, has an amazing wardrobe but does look a lot like a dinosaur), but #unpopularopinion – I ‘m not actually an Aldridge #stan at all so I can let myself off on this one.
As with all of my WCIBY crushes, Ruby’s style is mostly monochromatic, androgynous and built around staple basics. ALL GD THINGS. Another reason I’m a big fan of her street style is that despite being 8ft 3ins tall and weighing the same as a bag of flour, her sartorial choices aren’t things that can only be carried off by genetic freaks, but are universally wearable (apart from maybe the microscooter).
It felt like forever since I punched myself in the face about not being someone else, and then I remembered amazing Essix goff Hannah Marshall.
For the uninitiated, H-Marsh is a Colchester graduated British womenswear designer known for bringing the sexy back to constructed looks, a fondness for leather and her predication for black, black and more black.
Showing since 2007, celebrity fans include Erin O’Connor, Naomi Campbell, Florence Welch, and
Stephen Fry Romy off the xx, amongst others. As you would imagine, her personal style is a mirror of her designs – constructed layering, and all black everything. I mostly wear black, there’s just something about a full black look that feels really clean, but one thing I’m always a bit conscious of is looking like some sort of Bedouin encampment when you can’t distinguish between layers at a distance the way you can if you’re wearing colour. Hannah goes to show that all black looks don’t have to swamp, and also that you don’t have to be 8 ft 9 and having a good time for them to look good. Also, that fringe! This is the kind of fringe I always ask for, yet never get. All I want in life is to not come out of the hairdressers looking like Lisa from Girl bloody Uninterrupted, but apparently this is unattainable. I swear they all just take advantage of the fact I don’t have my glasses on. ANYWAY, NICE CLOTHES AND THAT.
HAPPY FAKE FRIDAY! This is one of my favourite office friendly “I really want to go out and get proper para” looks, from Viktor and Rolf. The neutral colour palette blends in well with the walls in my office, there’s a cheeky flash of thigh for that ‘these shorts are really very desk-sex compatible’ look that I always favour on a Friday (it tends to distract from my counting-down-the-minutes facial expression). The ruffles also really hide the fact I have no tits, which sometimes gives me a very ladyboy-esque look on the whole, which is why the heels are so perfect. The gloves are also a favourite feature of mine as they save me getting 4am nightbus McDonalds under my nails. WIN WIN!
Having a rather miserable Monday, so I’ve got my “don’t talk to me” outfit on, courtesy of AW13 Hood by Air. There’s a good bit of leg ventilation, which I appreciate because I overheat when I’m stressed (I have a very high natural body temperature, it really is a curse) and also because I get to flash a bit of leg. I’m all about angry-sexy, tbh. The boots are sturdy enough that I can slyly kick tourists who dawdle in front of me without hurting myself, and the puffa is a great cushion when sandwiched between sixteen sweaty secretaries on the Picadilly line home. I need a drink.
After this morning’s kerfuffle with & Other Stories over their photo of a wantonly thin model, I thought I’d dig out this AW07 Dior Homme look. The drapery really flatters my pin thin silhouette, and is also perfect for wafting around the office leaving only a faint smell of vomit in my wake.
I’m just a tad hungover today, so comfort is my number one priority. This look is from Damir Doma’s AW11 collection. The loose fit of the top and trousers is also aiding ventilation of my vodka sweats. I can’t wait to go home and smash seven shades out of a pizza and when I’m inevitably covered in my four cheese feast later on, the stains won’t show up quite as badly what with this outfit being all black. I’ve got it all thought out!