I’m currently sat at my desk at work trying not to be sick all over myself and others. I’m convinced these are my final days. As I approach death, the light in my eyes dimming and my heart grudgingly sputtering along , here’s a load of reet nice things that would make me feel 100% better.
Popes aren’t famed for their outfit variety. With Pope Benedict the XIV’s abdication being the first for over 600 years, the next Pope to have his name pulled out of the Goblet of Fire could really make his mark by being a bit more sartorially adventurous.
This outfit repetition throughout history is, frankly, a bit embarrassing. Here’s Pope Paul III and Pope Leo X, hundreds of years between them yet they appear to be wearing the actual same outfit. Awks.
However, I did find one shiny beacon of Pope-hope, check out Justinian I here, he appointed three popes around the year 500, very Dolce and Gabbana SS13.
If only Benedict XIV had stuck around a bit longer, Gok Wan could’ve thrown him through the haberdashery at John Lewis like he does with everyone else, cries of “whack a belt around it!” and “bangers!” ringing in his ears for years after. . I suppose it’s like a lot of jobs, in that you have to hand in your uniform and name badge when you leave. Does he actually have any clothes of his own
other than a nazi uniform? I’m guessing he doesn’t have much, which leaves the door open for a whole lot of shopping. Hopefully he can take inspiration from my lovingly created post-papal moodboards:
POPE ON THE TILES
Now this is definitely a hard look to beat. What could possibly replace this lovely smoky handbag? This is also a very important health message about the dangers of being at a club and trying to hide your lit cigarette in your handbag.
When I was a kid, Clarks meant school shoes. The dreaded trip to have my feet measured for school shoes by a one-armed woman, who spent half an hour wrestling my tiny, twitchy feet into whatever nasty clodhoppers my mother had picked out was never going to be one of my happier memories.
But in Jamaica, Clarks are cool, coveted, and even rapped about. ‘Clarks in Jamaica’, a new book by DJ Al Fingers (born the rather less exciting Al Newman) chronicles Jamaica’s love affair with the Somerset based shoe company. Including photographs and stories from Jamaican musicians who sing and rap about Clarks like American artists rap about Louis Vuitton, including Vybz Kartel, who released the simply titled paean ‘Clarks’ in 2010.
Fingers, says of the book, “Being from England, I have always been intrigued by the Jamaican fascination with Clark’s shoes and the way they are referenced within Jamaican music. Whilst Vybz Kartel’s ‘Clarks’ brought the phenomenon to many people’s attention in 2010, the relationship goes back way further, and in compiling this book I wanted to bring attention to that, highlighting the work of artists such as Dillinger and Little John who had sung about Clarks many years before.
(available from triads.co.uk)
“It is kind of niche,” says Fingers, with some understatement. “But I thought – it’s such a colourful story, it’s about time someone documented this. I wanted to focus on the music and the Jamaican musicians who have sung about Clarks. Reggae and dancehall stars Dillinger, Trinity, Ranking Joe, Scorcher, Little John, Super Cat and countless others had sung about Clarks in the past. So I went there just over a year ago to interview and photograph musicians, as well as other people on the street wearing the shoes.”
Fingers quotes a report in 1967 from the head of Clarks’ West Indies distribution: “Our stockist, La Parisienne in Kingston, sold out a consignment of 400 pairs in five days. Although our boots are priced the highest, the young boys insist on Clarks.” Jamaican producer Bunny ‘Striker’ Lee goes one further, stating “From ever since, Clarks is a number one shoe inna Jamaica. Not just now, I’m talking from the Fifties come right up… Clarks stand the test of time inna Jamaica. All the other shoes come and bow right down at Clarks’ Foot.”
Written and compiled by Al Fingers, featuring new photographs by Mark Read, ‘Clarks in Jamaica’ is available fromt www.onelovebooks.com. Published by One Love Books.