Another day closer to Christmas, another day I’m shocked at the injustice that I don’t wake up to a pile of presents EVERY day. Here’s part two of 25 things that I will accept as gifts. There’s still time, people!
Oversized shearling jacket, Acne
One of my absolute favourite Swedish exports (after ABBA and one of my best friends), since its founding in 1996, Acne has become a go-to for their jackets. The classic, shearling collar and pale pink biker jackets have all been a permanent fixture in my ‘how much money could I get if I sold my kidney?’ daydreams for the past few years. I love this oversized flight jacket, I generally always go for jackets at least one size up, I generally always wear bodycon skirts or skinny jeans so larger proportions on top balance this out. Also this looks warm enough that waiting for a night bus on New Years Eve won’t make me want to open a vein in the bath. Good times!
Religion shirt-dress, Topshop
I love a shirt dress. This collarless printed bad-boy ticks all the boxes. Oversized enough that you can layer underneath for winter, or avoid drowning in your own sweat in the summer, formal enough for work but comfortable enough for a hangover. The only thing I’m not mad about is the asymmetric drape hem, which I am already having premonitions of having to constantly fish out of the toilet/tube doors, but if you’re not an idiot like me, this Ann Demeulemeester-esque piece is defs a winner.
Givenchy spazzolato shoes, LN-CC
I’m generally very fussy when it comes to shoes. First rule, always boots. Any heel that isn’t wider than one inch causes ‘creative differences’ between me and gravity. Second rule, always black. No exceptions. I love the chunky heel on these, statement/metal heels have become a catwalk fixture for the past few seasons with the highstreet going particularly mad over them (I had a great pair pair from Zara with a silver chunky heel…obvz someone homeless is wearing them now after I left them on the nightbus…). I’ve mentioned before that I’m not the tallest tree in the forest, but the heel on these is just the right height for a confidence boost without making me feel like I’m in bad drag.
Messenger bag, Zara
Zara is somewhat renowned for its ‘interpretations’ of designer wear. The menswear in particular has taken a fair few Givenchy-print bullest to the face over the past few seasons, and the structured boxy shape of this bag is definitely reminiscent of Givenchy/Alexander Wang. Which isn’t a bad thing at all, especially when you don’t have £800+ spare change knocking around in your back pockets.
Peanut Butter PopTarts
I’m not sorry.
A non-tanline friendly Milla Jovovich as a proper little mental in Fifth Element
One of my favourite collections of his for a long time – Alexander Wang’s SS13 optical illusion mesh and leather monochrome cut-out pieces
Always a big player in the designer interpretation game, ASOS, £38
The mens shows got off to a good start, with a really strong season from the new major players of London fashion – standouts included variations on a theme, androgynous menswear and experimental cuts from JW Anderson, pleasing prints from LCM babies Agi & Sam and heavy sports influences from Christopher Shannon. Paris really stuck with the enduring prints theme, Frankie Morello went for burger and sushi prints, Moschino showed lightning bolts amidst jewel-toned stripes and nerdy jacket and cardigan combinations, Paris brought the expected level of cool minimalism, Marni and Tillman Lauterbach were particular favourites.
Milan was…Milan…Dsquared2 was the usual display of maximum homoeroticism and minimal actual clothing, Etro took Mexican inspiration to rather a literal level, sending a heavily moustasched model down the catwalk in a whacking great sombrero. Probs not one we’re going to see on many street style blogs, but always a good go-to for fancy dress parties.
Overall, SS14 is looking good for menswear, lots of minimalism, androgyny, ~WaCkY pRiNtS~, with some added louche looks from Haider Ackermann’s quilted smoking jackets in a luxe pallette of wines and navys to Dries Van Noten’s muted tonal florals.
Surprising highlight collections for me were Iceberg and Opening Ceremony, both really clean and sharp, centered in the focus colours for next season – navys, blacks and creams/whites. I wasn’t sold on Givenchy’s prints this season, though for me the religious iconography was a real winner so it would’ve been hard to top anyway. I was surprised to like Louis Vuitton, usually not a collection I pay much notice to, but I really liked the Talented Mr Ripley vibes.
Obvs, there were some absolute car crashes. No surprises for guessing who I’m coming for here. Hedi Slimane continues his one-man destruction of Yves Saint Laurent, sorry, Soft Grunge Laurent, sorry, Saint Laurent Paris, every season managing to churn out more and more overly commercial, cheap sartorial high fives to dated pop culture references. This season the vibe is ‘Glam Rock by George at Asda’. (oh and obviously the standard set of models who wouldn’t look out of place in an in-patient facility. Good work, you absolute tit)
Moving on from blood-pressure raising train wrecks, here’s a look at recurrent themes for SS14.
ANDROGYNOUS / LADY PARTS
BLUE IS THE COLOUR
ALL WHITE EVERYTHING
“FLORALS FOR SPRING? GROUNDBREAKING”
KHAKIS/ NUDES/BEIGE/WHALE TUSK/OLD BISCUIT
I accidentally spent a disgusting amount of money by ordering a load of clothes that I was already feeling mildly guilty about buying to my old address, and surprise surprise they weren’t there when I made the pilgrimage over there. Obviously the natural thing to do in this situation is
punch myself in the face and be a lot more careful with money for the rest of my life to commit sartorial self harm and…buy more shit!
From my new favourite website in the world, ssense
I bought some men’s sock suspenders the other day, I had a dream that I bought some and they looked really good, and who am I to argue with my subconcious. These give a similar look, but less ‘creepy victorian dad’. These bad boys are from ASOS
I think people at work who are witness to my Hello Kitty obsession think that it’s ~ironic~, but it really isn’t, I just love that lil bitch. I keep getting shouted at by scary old women on my estate for not having a bell, so I can justify this wondrous find as a NEED rather than a WANT.
I have actually bought this but haven’t tried it on yet. Obviously, being a professional model myself it’s going to look exactly like it does on this lovely lady, and not like sausage meat wrapped in chiffon. Denial is not just a river in Egypt…
I need a new wallet/purse so badly, scrabbling around in the bottom of my bag for change like a derranged pigeon looking for food isn’t my most attractive habit. This Alexander Wang baby is from shopbop.com and is only £125.
My flatmate’s just bought this amazing Patrick Bateman-esque flasher mac (here), it’s a men’s, which doesn’t bother me, but they don’t run it in an XXS or even an XS, so I think I’d look more like a sofa with the wrapping still on it.
I’m not just an incredibly pretty face, I am also incredibly intelligent and interesting which is why I’m going to read this on the tube so everyone will know. No, for real though I find anything about human behaviour really interesting, and I keep reading books about gay alcoholics lately so this’ll be nice for a change. Here’s the Amazon description:
“In his work as a practising psychoanalyst, Stephen Grosz has spent the last twenty-five years uncovering the hidden feelings behind our most baffling behaviour. The Examined Lifedistils over 50,000 hours of conversation into pure psychological insight, without the jargon.” So excited.
This is probably as ~summery~ and ~feminine~ as my summer wardrobe will get. I’m usually against slogan clothing, especially places I’ve never been, but I love how the florals contrast with the black, and apparently all I want to wear at the moment is sheer
because I’m a pervert.I’m not usually a Jeffrey Campbell fan, but I’m so surprised I liked these and they’re not black that they’re worth a mention. Again, these are from ssense.
Bomber jackets are absolutely everywhere. I’m a big fan, I love a unisex trend in general and I always find it difficult to buy a jacket that is roomy enough to wear more than just a t-shirt underneath without having to size up. No surprises, but I’m a big fan of the Givenchy bomber jacket selection:
New Look black quilted, Jeremy Scott, Rick Owens, Cheap Monday, Alexander Wang, New Look grey sleeve, Camilla and Marc, Asos tiger stripe, Blood Brother, Dorothy Perkins, Topshop blue with black sleeve, Maje, Haider Ackermann, Rick Owens grey pattern, Asos palm tree, Topshop red with black sleeve, Topman black leather sleeve, Topman checked.
Ahhh bonjour ma petite tasse! Regardez-vous ma blog post de Paris Fashion Week! As you can tell, I’m basically fluent in French, it’s one of my many talents. For those not as clever as me at French, here’s a round-up of the sartorial offerings from Paris Fashion Week.
STOP. BALMAIN TIME! An 80s wipe-clean wonderland, Balmain was every theatrical tin-foil fashion hope and more, we have Balmain in at my work all the time, can’t wait to try and shoe-horn myself into the amazing waistcoat outfit on the right, rip it, and be evicted because I can’t pay for it. ASPIRATIONAL!
Alexander Wang’s much anticipated first collection since his controversial appointment at Balenciaga. And it wasn’t horrible. It’s still very much Wang-esque (not a word I’ll use again, promise) but with undeniable Christobal influence. I liked it, it’s a nice return to the classic, clean Balenciaga, rather than the ultra modernism Ghesquiere brought with his metal leggings/Egyptofunk/riding hats etc, which I loved, but I don’t think Wang could have followed on from or replicated in the same vein without it looking like some kind of shit Project Runway ~modernism~ challenge.
I know leather panelling has been done over and over and over, but I want this, all of this, and variations of this, forever.
Really enjoying the Brave New World/Handmaid’s Tale minimal ~dystopian sexuality~ here, and how could I not love the wimple. I’m all about a wimple. I’m not ususally a huge fan of Mugler, but the simplicity, and the murky blue with crisp white, speaks to my inner future gimp.
Each season Givenchy is usually my go-to, but the disparity between the menswear (99% of the time, amazing) and the womenswear (67% of the time, amazing) starts to show more and more. I love the floral leather biker and the quilted bomber, super, but the random sequinned arm? The cheap ill-fitting mesh? The shiny polka-dots? This both confuses and upsets me.
These are my dream outfits until I’m thin enough to slip under my office door, rather than walking through it. Probably not very practical day to day (getting closed in bus doors, dropping Tesco Value lasagne down yourself, cycling – all trials I face daily) but commanding and beautiful all the same. I do miss the structured, body-con Pugh of olde, but a shift in silhouette hasn’t lost the dark drama he’s built his brand on.
I’m not ususally a fan of Valentino, not nearly enough black, leather or androgyny for me, but this china plate-esque collection has reminded me that I AM A GIRL, HERE ME SQUEAL!
Do you feel dizzy? Disorientated? It might be to do with Yves Saint Laurent spinning so hard in his grave that the Earth is turning faster than usual. #SOFTGRUNGELAURENT HAS STRUCK AGAIN. Hedi’s latest collection (and we know how much I enjoyed his last menswear offering) has been met with a resounding NON from critics, and rightly so. His access to the Topshop throw-out must be STOPPED.
This season marks Claire Wright Keller’s fourth at the helm of Chloe, and it’s definitely her best yet. Probably my favourite collection from Paris, simple and minimal with great tailoring and a perfect colour palette.
Who invented the tartan laundry bag? Has anyone got his email? He’s definitely been ripped off at Celine. Blatant plagiarism aside, Celine was it’s usual super self, a really nice palette and pleasing oversized yet tailored shapes (so excited to put on 15 stone before winter and be able to shop at Celine rather than Millets!).
Another day, another example of Alexander Wang
blatantly copying taking inspiration from other designers. This time, his evil eye of Sauron turns towards Balenciaga.
Balenciaga, Pre-Fall 2009
Alexander Wang, AW13
If you’re a fan of a furry hand, you can get these bad boys from Monki for £12. Lush.