Popes aren’t famed for their outfit variety. With Pope Benedict the XIV’s abdication being the first for over 600 years, the next Pope to have his name pulled out of the Goblet of Fire could really make his mark by being a bit more sartorially adventurous.

This outfit repetition throughout history is, frankly, a bit embarrassing. Here’s Pope Paul III and Pope Leo X, hundreds of years between them yet they appear to be wearing the actual same outfit. Awks.

pope leo 10 pope paul 3

However, I did find one shiny beacon of Pope-hope, check out Justinian I here, he appointed three popes around the year 500, very Dolce and Gabbana SS13.


If only Benedict XIV had stuck around a bit longer, Gok Wan could’ve thrown him through the haberdashery at John Lewis like he does with everyone else, cries of “whack a belt around it!” and “bangers!” ringing in his ears for years after. . I suppose it’s like a lot of jobs, in that you have to hand in your uniform and name badge when you leave. Does he actually have any clothes of his own other than a nazi uniform? I’m guessing he doesn’t have much, which leaves the door open for a whole lot of shopping. Hopefully he can take inspiration from my lovingly created post-papal moodboards:


Pope Benedict XVI. 2012






Pope Benedict XVI Celebrates Easter - Easter Vigil

Now this is definitely a hard look to beat. What could possibly replace this lovely smoky handbag? This is also a very important health message about the dangers of being at a club and trying to hide your lit cigarette in your handbag.


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